Heading home

I'm leaving my secure flat tomorrow and travel home to stay at my parents house for at least 4 days.
I have to distance myself from the chaotic situation I'm currently in and keep a clear head.  I have pushed myself far beyond my emotional and rational limits and right now I feel weak and worn out. I just wanna scream: "Can't you stop pushing me around? All of you!" But they won't.

On the other hand I'm really looking forward to meeting Hannah and I'm quite positive that we can mend our friendship and get back to this "long-ago-good-times-feeling" we had during our A-levels and BB. (Gosh we were thick like thieves.) But inwardly I know, that all those good times give me cancer eventually. That they fill my heart with grief and soon I'll be back at a well known point of questioning my life and my decisions, I have come too far to turn back, but on the other hand I don't know how to make it to the next save spot.  Sometimes I wonder, if I'm craving for that constant pain and lack of self-confidence.

It's kinda hard to stay positive in times like these.